The Wilderness Within

     There is a wolf in me ... fangs pointed for tearing gashes ... a red tongue for raw meat ... and the hot lapping of blood—I keep this wolf because the wilderness gave it to me and the wilderness will not let it go.    

     O, I got a zoo, I got a menagerie, inside my ribs, under my bony head, under my red-valve heart—and I got something else: it is a man-child heart, a woman-child heart: it is a father and mother and lover: it came from God-Knows-Where: it is going to God-Knows-Where—For I am the keeper of the zoo: I say yes and no: I sing and kill and work: I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness. 

~ Wilderness by Carl Sandburg

     These are two stanzas from the beautiful poem Wilderness by Carl Sandburg. (You can read the entire poem if you like.)  I love them because they point out a truth that we often ignore, that we try to hide, or do our best to forget. It is the thing of which we are reminded each Ash Wednesday as our Lenten journeys begin - we are made from the dust of the wild. We come from the wilderness.
     This week our focus is on Jesus' journey into the wilderness. The timing of Jesus' journey cannot be accidental - it happens just as he is baptized and emerges from the waters, dripping wet, and sure of God's love for him. It comes at a time when his ministry is fledgling and not really yet begun. It comes at a time when it is essential for Jesus, the Son of God, fully divine, to remember that he is also fully human - made from the dust of the wilderness.

Christ in the Desert - Ivan Nikolaevich Kramskoĭ*

     And so he goes, led by the Spirit into the wilderness, an account we read about in Matthew 4. (You can also read about in all of the other gospels as this is one of the few texts included in all four.) According to Matthew's gospel, the Spirit sends Jesus there 'to be tempted by the devil.' It is no wonder Jesus included in his teaching that we ought to pray that the Spirit doesn't 'lead us into temptation'!
     Jesus had been through it - 40 days of fasting and being tempted with the challenge of his authority as God's son: If you are God's son, prove it and turn these stones to bread... 40 days of bone-wearying survival in a desert wilderness and being tempted with the challenge of God's willingness to become human: If you are God, prove it and throw yourself off the building... 40 days of solitude save the company of the wild animals and being tempted with the challenge of his power: If you, human, really want to rule just worship me and all this will be yours...
     Each part of Jesus' temptation had to do with the fact that he was really, truly, human. Made from the dust of the wilderness where he was exiled those 40 days. Made from the dust of the wilderness the Israelites were exiled those 40 years. Made of the same dust from which we are made. And it seems as if this wilderness dust is somehow in tension with the water-Spirit of which children of God are born. 
     Remember baptism is a new birth, the beginning of a new life not lived in the flesh, but in the Spirit. The age old battle between our carnal desires born in the wilderness and the Spirit-filled lives of God's children rages every day. Along with Carl Sandburg I can honestly say 'there is a wolf in me.' Within me is the capacity to destroy and tear down, to kill and maim, to prey and stalk. Yet, like Jesus, I am also a child of God. Born of water and Spirit. And the wolf in me constantly lives in tension and is tempted to prove - that I am good, worthy, special. To prove that I am talented, competent, and intelligent. To prove that I am 'living the dream' and happy about it.
     These verses from Matthew have left me pondering the mystery of wilderness. Is wilderness all about place? Is it all about circumstance? Or is wilderness something I have - something I am - something that is part of my DNA? Is the real threat of wilderness from within my own being?

*Kramskoĭ, Ivan Nikolaevich, 1837-1887. Christ in the Desert, from Art in the Christian Tradition, a project of the Vanderbilt Divinity Library, Nashville, TN. http://diglib.library.vanderbilt.edu/act-imagelink.pl?RC=54297 [retrieved March 19, 2014]. Original source: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kramskoi_Christ_dans_le_d%C3%A9sert.jpg.